Bit of a shock served on the side

When we moved to South Carolina a few weeks ago, it was an adjustment. It’s tough to be far from friends and family in a new state; plus, I’m a Damn Yankee at heart. But I figured, hey, it’s 2008, they’ll be all Southern Hospitality to me despite the accent. And besides, The South has totally awesome food. I’d live on sweet tea and barbecue if I could.

So one of the first questions my husband asked his co-workers was where he could go to get some good barbecue. We were living with almost zero furniture and two small kids while waiting for the moving van, and were totally exhausted — we didn’t want to eat out, but sure didn’t want to cook. Maurice’s Barbecue was recommended as “totally awesome” and “the best place in Columbia”, so Husband picked up some pulled pork on his way home.

Well, we’re never eating there again. And why might that be?

First, the food was not totally awesome. I’m not a fan of mustard-based barbecue sauce, but I’m willing to give it a taste — and this just was not all that great. Even the sides were “meh” instead of a tasty complement to the mediocre meat.

Second… and more critical… Maurice is a self-publicized neo-Confederate. Browsing for more information led to a few justifications from supporters like, “Oh, no, the Confederate flag is just about state’s rights!” Uh, no. The man got taken to the Supreme Court before he got rid of segregation in his restaurants in 1968. When combined with a cheerfully racist history like that, the Confederate flag isn’t about state’s rights. And even if it is, damn, you really want to be proud of a bunch of traitors who raised arms against their country?

And here’s the Clueless tie-in: I didn’t even know there were such things as neo-Confederates. I mean, who would possibly think it’s a good idea to restart the Civil War? Do they really bear a 140-year-long grudge? They actually want to own slaves? That ugly realization did not help the food go down. I’m a hell of a lot more proud of my ancestors that fought for the Union, though.

Maurice’s won’t see another penny from us. And anybody who knows of a good non-bigot-owned barbecue place in Columbia, please do let me know

Be my black friend!

A couple discussions of race and friendship caught my eye today… first at Resist Racism.

… it occurs to me that worrying that other people might find you racist is a product of racism. Being anxious that people will not accept you when you’ve always been accepted previously is privilege and perhaps projected racism as well.

And here you are losing the ability to be real and genuine, and to have true and genuine relationships. Because if you cannot acknowledge the damage that racism has done, it is going to be very hard for me to accept you as a friend or ally.

I get that. You can’t have an honest conversation — or, really, an honest relationship — with somebody who isn’t accepting fundamental truths.

The second, a bit more sad, at Racialicious…

I was suffering from racism paranoia of sorts. A form of self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will, in which I assumed that others were racist, and so I didn’t approach them, befriend them, become close to them, or share as much of myself with them as my friends of color, or even more specifically, my black friends, because I feared the worst. I feared one day they would say something racist or betray my friendship or do something to make me say, “see I told you,’ and regret having befriended them in the first place. And eventually, as my close friend circles became darker and darker in hue or colored by some sort of adversity (i.e. class or sexuality), I recognized that I had placed straight, white, middle class folks somewhere on the perimeter, fulfilling my own expectation in the first place, if not allowing it…. My believing that everyone was racist until proven otherwise was limiting me. It was making me become guarded. It was my way of protecting myself from rejection that wasn’t a given, but that I had experienced enough in the past to make me not want to taste its bitterness ever again.

Well shit, how does a straight white middle-class woman like me make friends with POC? I totally understand why you wouldn’t want to put up with that. It is painful to get to know somebody, enjoy hanging out with them, then suddenly have an ignorant bit of idiocy from them slap you in the face. And I wouldn’t want to do that to somebody that I consider a friend, even unintentionally.

I mean, I’m not looking for a token.

But I like meeting people with different backgrounds because then I can learn about where they’re coming from. And we’ve just moved to The South from Indiana… frankly I need new friends down here of whatever color I can get

Durrr

Oh, Nader, Nader, Nader. Come on. As a consumer advocates, you’re helpful. But what is this bullshit?

The number one thing that a black American politician aspiring to the presidency should be is to candidly describe the plight of the poor, especially in the inner cities and the rural areas, and have a very detailed platform about how the poor is going to be defended by the law, is going to be protected by the law, and is going to be liberated by the law… Haven’t heard a thing.

Nader also says Obama wants to show he’s not “another politically threatening African-American politician. He wants to appeal to white guilt. You appeal to white guilt not by coming on as black is beautiful, black is powerful. Basically he’s coming on as someone who is not going to threaten the white power structure, whether it’s corporate or whether it’s simply oligarchic. And they love it. Whites just eat it up.”

So black people (aka poor) care about payday loan crooks and white people care about white corporate and oligarchical strength. Way to lump us all into categories. (Let me guess — Jews care about Israel, Hispanics care about immigration, Asians care about China…)

I’ll confess that part of my white self’s comfort with Obama is that he feels like somebody I could have a conversation with. He’s reasonable, intelligent, articulate, and open-minded. No, he’s not threatening. But I also don’t believe that if he was talking about “black issues”, I’d feel particularly threatened. (Seriously, “oppressed white male”, are you that afraid you won’t measure up if you’re judged only on personal merits instead of skin color? Must suck to be so lacking in self-confidence…)

If you’re going to bitch about a lack of attention to issues for the poor, don’t make it about race. It muddles your point and makes you look clueless, but then why would you stop making yourself look clueless now after all these years…

It’s hard to be a racist

Carmen Van Kerckhove wrote a piece for CNN called The fallacy of colorblind post-raciality, discussing why about seventy percent of respondents in a recent poll said they did not have “some feelings of racial prejudice.”

The thing I hate about the term racism is that it is so blunt. Either you are racist — with the connotation of “sheet-wearing psycho” — or not. Somebody who’s got preconceived notions (which are normal and expected) that pop into their head when they see a person who’s different in some way fall into a murky middle ground that is badly defined, sensitive, and defensive. I don’t like being lumped into a group which includes raging bigots. Who would? (I mean, besides raging bigots who are publicly proud of their bigotry, but they are fucking nuts.)

I can’t say, “I’m a racist” — and I mean I would find it physically difficult to say, because it just feels untrue based on what I have been taught about what racism is. (See? I even have biases about racists. This is getting into some serious complicated thought.) I have a hard time just admitting I have prejudices and biases; I am always quick to follow it up with explaining that I may have them, but regardless I strive to ignore those preconceptions and treat everyone equally. I can’t be colorblind, true. Physical appearance, even cultural symbols (e.g. a crucifix, or a hijab, or a Magen David) are all obvious, visual indicators of “affiliation” and things will pop into my head when I see them. But I have a desperate instinct to protest against them and justify my biasedness (biasity? biasness? uh, racism?)… I know they are part of me, but I really do not WANT them. They are annoying and get in the way and are so fucking stupid and pig-ignorant… But, being grateful I’m not the crazy sheet-wearing neo-Confederate crazy person isn’t a free pass to completely ignore my own problems.

Maybe I’ll clean the brain out someday. In the meantime, *sigh* I’m a racist, but I’m of the clueless variety, and I’m trying.

On a lighter note… I’ve got racial biases, but I hate Don Imus I somehow don’t think he bothers with much self-examination on the race question, but prefers to wonder why those uppity minorities are always complaining about nothing. And I think I’m clueless.

Zimbabwe isn’t having fun

I have to admit: I was half-asleep, which isn’t the best condition to understand what’s being said even if it’s without a British accent. But I’m pretty sure that the BBC World Service introduced one of its segments this morning with:

No Fun for Zimbabweans

I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a transcript, or even an audio recording of it — I’ve got no proof. But damn, that’s a stupid headline. “No Fun”? Yeah, that’s what I always say when the democratic process of a country is endangered. “Gosh, this is no fun.” Presidents-for-life are just a buzzkill. Kidnappings and assault on the opposition party are such a downer.

Obviously it’s “no fun” — but it’s so far beyond “no fun” that it’s pretty insulting to say that.

SO HARD being rich!

Hooooo boy… Nothing says “privilege” like including botox in a list of necessities (NECESSITIES!) you can pass on to save money. What a crisis. People will have to be wrinkly. ZOMG.

It reminds me of an article in the New York Times (style section of course) which waxed tragic about how the rich are having to make huge sacrifices. “It might be hard for the average person to feel sympathetic,” the article admits; it then proceeds for another thousand words describing how the rich are selling second houses, buying less shoes, blah blah blah blah blah. Really, I do not have any ability to feel sympathy if you’re complaining about only having five million when you once had twenty million. Boo fucking hoo.

Something tells me that these are not the people who need help in a receding economy. Although people who need to be reminded that botox is pricey, maybe they do need help. “Swift smack upside the head” kind of help. “Beating with a reality stick” kind of help. That kind.

angry is good

Fox is probably one of the biggest contributors to keeping the liberal blogosphere talking.

CAL THOMAS: In this campaign, we are being asked to accept three things simultaneously, the first woman with a credible chance of being president, the first African-American with the chance to being president and, whoever Michelle Obama is going to be styled, the angry black woman, first lady? This is an awful lot.

THOMAS: I want to pick up on something that Jane said about the angry black woman. Look at the image of angry black women on television. Politically you have Maxine Waters of California, liberal Democrat. She’s always angry every time she gets on television. Cynthia McKinney, another angry black woman. [CWW: He forgot one of my favorite angry black woman politicians, Eleanor Holmes Norton.] … So you don’t really have a profile of non-angry black women.

The first angry black woman that came to mind for me has blogged on this as well.

I like an “angry” black woman as a political force. I like that they will question the status quo, push the envelope, and see what changes they can make. I would rather see an “angry” black woman as First Lady — since she’s likely to therefore be active — than an average, boring, uninspiring woman of any color. But it’s so fucking ignorant to call her simply angry (not to mention deciding that all black women are angry)… there ya go, people, pathetic Fox commentary at its very best.

No racism anymore?

I found There’s no racism anymore, by Tami Winfrey Harris, extremely interesting. (Not only because I always find Tami’s writing interesting!)

…that’s what my stepson said to me last week when I told him about my new gig at Anti-Racist Parent: “There’s no racism anymore.” I was dumbfounded. Has he not heard his dad and I discussing the race bias in the 2008 presidential race? Did he not spend most of his life in Chicago (one of the most segregated cities I have ever seen) where young black men face profiling by citizens, shopkeepers and police officers? Is he not one of just a few children of color in his school… nuff said?

I offered my son a few examples of ways that racism most definitely does exist, including the fact that one of his teachers, though she grades him fairly, seems to treat him differently due to race. “Well, yeah, there’s that stuff,” he retorted. “But not real racism.”

I get where Tami’s stepson is coming from. In many ways we are a much more equal society than we were forty years ago, probably even twenty years ago. It’s very hard to find segregation or blatant racism, and that’s a good thing. But little things, subtle things, are still everywhere. The lack of “obvious” bigotry means that minor bias or prejudice is dismissed.

It’s hard to speak up about those “little things” — what average person wants to be called a racist? What average person wants to point a finger and call another average person that? It has become a charged word, and causes a defensive, even angry response in the accused. Nobody wants to be THAT GUY. However, the endemic nature of biases and prejudices still need to be examined and addressed somehow. If we don’t, then we’re all clueless.

It is interesting that this isn’t just a “white” thing, though. Partly because I get to feel a little guilty relief — I’m not clueless because I’m white, I’m clueless because I’m not observant or looking with a sufficiently critical eye. But also, I am quietly optimistic that maybe the younger generation will continue eradicating biases and prejudices until we really do have an equitable society. I’m going to continue reading Anti-Racist Parent in the hopes of finding strategies to raise my own (white) children to be anti-racist, the same as I will now strive to be

Really, it is time to let go, NOW…

I learned a sad little lesson from reading Your Whiteness is Showing: An Open Letter to Certain White Women Who are Threatening to Withhold Support From Barack Obama in November

For those of you threatening to actually vote for John McCain and to oppose Senator Obama, or to stay home in November and thereby increase the likelihood of McCain winning and Obama losing (despite the fact that the latter’s policy platform is virtually identical to Clinton’s while the former’s clearly is not), all the while claiming to be standing up for women…

For those threatening to vote for John McCain or to stay home and increase the odds of his winning (despite the fact that he once called his wife the c-word in public and is a staunch opponent of reproductive freedom and gender equity initiatives, such as comparable worth legislation), all the while claiming to be standing up for women…

For those threatening to vote for John McCain or to stay home and help ensure Barack Obama’s defeat, as a way to protest what you call Obama’s sexism (examples of which you seem to have difficulty coming up with), all the while claiming to be standing up for women…

Your whiteness is showing.

Seriously, ladies — I am fucking shocked that there would be anybody thinking this way. You’re planning on protesting sexism by voting for McCain? You’re planning on protesting sexism by not voting at all?!?

Refusing to participate in the process can not improve sexism. The Republican party would have been just as full of sly sexism — and indeed, they have been throughout this race, if you’d bother opening your eyes and looking past the primaries. But they didn’t even need to bring their sneering up to full force, since Clinton and Obama were hashing things out without the GOP’s help.

Is this a race problem? Yeah, I’ll agree it is — not a blatant one, perhaps, but yeah, it’s racial. If you’re so damn blind to reality that you can’t consider the greater good, then you do have a white privilege problem. Will defeating Obama make your life better? Will it make life better for the average woman — black, white, or whatever? Will it teach anybody a lesson about gender equality, or will it make you look like a lot of spoiled hardline women?

Electing a president is about more than just one issue. It’s about four years of leading a fractious, struggling country. I think that Hillary Clinton could have done a good job, and it’s sad that sexism was present, but sexism is not what defeated her. Nor should feminism be the force that defeats Barack Obama. If you disagree with the Democratic party, THEN vote for McCain.

Personally, I actually am going to give some serious thought to Cynthia McKinney, because I think Obama can win without my vote and she looks promising

Fox is more clueless than me

Even Clueless White Woman knows “baby mama” is not the right term for “potential First Lady of the United States.” That’s a fucking Jerry Springer tagline, NOT APPROPRIATE for a news organization, if that’s what you want to call yourself.

via Whatever